I’m about to break girl code to reveal something here: Men, if you’ve slept with any of my friends there’s a fair chance I know your penis size.
Yes, it’s true.
Although, weirdly, if you’ve been dating for yonks, I probably don’t.
OK, let me explain. Women love to chat. And we especially love to chat after we’ve finally slept with the guy we’ve been crushing on. Or to be fair, the guy we just happened to hook up with recently out of the blue.
So, when we women get together we like to know ALL the details. Yes, we are a detail-orientated species. It’s one of our best features.
I discovered this at a recent brunch. Three out of the four of us turned up with almighty hangovers and some pretty juicy stories from the night before.
Mine was that I had been out with a different group of friends the night, including a guy I regularly hook up with. He and I had quietly ghosted the group to go play naked gymnastics at my place and I don’t mean to brag, but it was even better then Cirque De Soleil. So of course, the girls got a full run down the next morning.
Another friend had snuck back to her ex’s house after a cocktail-fuelled “Are you up” text, and after the stern words we gave her about what a d-bag he is, we then settled in for a blow-by-blow account of their saucy reunion.
The married friend sighed and said she had stayed up with hubby binge-watching The Diplomat (which is very good!) and then went to sleep. For the record, I have no idea what size her husband’s penis is. But I put that down to the fact that they’ve been together so long that we don’t really pry into their sex life.
And the fourth friend turned up late and apologized by explaining that she had “just had the best sex of my life!” For the next 20 minutes, we heard a blow-by-blow account of their hook-up the previous night. Spoiler alert: she had met her ‘situationship’ for a drink and it turned into the most mind-blowing night of debauchery.
As it was her first night in the sack with him, we were shamelessly throwing questions at her that went like this:
“Was it big?”
“Did he know how to use it?”
“What was his bedroom manner like after the deed?”
Yes, that’s what we women do. We dig until we have all the answers. And trust me, they never disappoint.
I put it to a man friend later that afternoon to see if men were as nosy as we women and he laughed and said “hell no”.
He said his conversations go more along the lines of:
“Did you get some?”
“Yep.”
“Was it good?”
“Yep. Nice!”
I’m not going to lie; I was pretty happy about that. I mean, I’m not too insecure about my body (that’s a blatant lie) but lord knows I don’t want a group of men sitting around their beers discussing what it looks like with no clothes on.
But in defense of me and my prying female fillies, for us it’s a bonding experience. We’re trying to navigate and process our feelings around the previous night’s shenanigans. Do we like the guy, is a big penis going to be an issue in the long-term. Is he a gentle lover, or has he watch far too much bad porn and thinks he’s the Johnny Sins of Bondi? We like to get all the details out in the open and then figure it all out together.
Especially when it comes to trying something new in the bedroom. It’s not too uncommon to hear one of us say something like: “Have any of you tried bondage? *John wants to try it next weekend, and I’m not even sure where to start.”
We help each other out. Yes, we’re basically like the grown-up version of Girl Guides. Although, less cookies and more lube.
So I’m sorry to inform you fellas, but if you’re ol’ fella has a bend in it – your ladies friends know about it. But thankfully, one of us will have the knowledge to know what to do with it. And from what I hear … it can be quite the G-spot finder.
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